


Thief vs. Thief I

by Yatterqueen



Series: #wedgiewednesday [26]
Category: Unlisted
Genre: Gen, no tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-06-01 07:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6509488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatterqueen/pseuds/Yatterqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to <a href="http://thekingofthebattle.deviantart.com/"></a><img class="avatar"/> giving me an idea to make sure it's relatively harmless to both women's personal reputations, I was able to complete what's hopefully part I of a multi-part series. I'll probably re-read over it and, if I feel I treated both women with respect (which is entirely possible in stories like this) in the morning, it'll stay up. If not, well, you know, it'll be gone.</p><p>Anyway, you may (or may not) be wondering how the winner is determined. No, it's not me picking whoever I want. I want it to be random; it could be Felicia losing thirty times in a row. So, the winner is determined by 101 coin flips. Selina got 59 and Felicia 42, so she wins this round.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Thief vs. Thief I

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://thekingofthebattle.deviantart.com/) giving me an idea to make sure it's relatively harmless to both women's personal reputations, I was able to complete what's hopefully part I of a multi-part series. I'll probably re-read over it and, if I feel I treated both women with respect (which is entirely possible in stories like this) in the morning, it'll stay up. If not, well, you know, it'll be gone.
> 
> Anyway, you may (or may not) be wondering how the winner is determined. No, it's not me picking whoever I want. I want it to be random; it could be Felicia losing thirty times in a row. So, the winner is determined by 101 coin flips. Selina got 59 and Felicia 42, so she wins this round.

 Felicia Hardy, known to some as the Black Cat, is one of the top thieves in the world, unparalleled by anyone.

...except by the one woman she's paralleled by: Selina Kyle. Catwoman, as she calls herself, isn't a _frequent_ pain in her ass -- or, at least, she _hadn't_ been. 

Apparently some woman in clown makeup (rumor has it that's just her skin) has been hopping back and forth so much their two universes have merged. 

It's been a bit weird adjusting to the fact that there _is_ a Gotham and Metropolis, among other things, but the worst for Felicia is that cat trying to steal _her_ targets.

They've come to blows over it about ten times now.  

It's... well, it's even, certainly (5-5), and it hasn't always ended in ways Felicia is proud to speak of. She's gotten Selina back just as much so, for some reason, they've settled into a strange Spy vs. Spy scenario.

Because of this, Felicia is attempting to channel the Grey Spy.

First step?

Steal the Jade Tiger from right under Selina's nose. 

That is, steal the artifact from the thief in her own apartment.

<<>>

Selina's extremely thankful she has a place to herself again. Not that the other Sirens aren't fun to be around but she could do without seeing them everyday all day. Especially Ivy and her giant comfort panties. You point them out, she hangs you by your underwear from a vine.

"What a bi--"

She stops because she hears knocking on her front door.

"Who's that at this hour?" she says aloud, putting on some small running shorts to answer the door. "Better not be Holly _or_ Harley."

It's neither, actually. It isn't anyone. It's, well, it's no one. 

"Damn kids," she mutters as she closes the door, surprised at how old lady she sounds.

Her window's open, though, but she could've sworn she closed it hours ago. Suspicious, Selina looks around, but sees nothing. If it's Nygma sending a creepbot again, she'll claws his eyes out.

Meanwhile, hiding behind the couch is Felicia Hardy, beating herself up over the "rookie mistake" of leaving the window open. Selina turned around too fast, though, and she had to take cover.

However, there seems to be a problem.

There's a cat staring her right in the face.

"Wonder what's on TV?" the apartment's actual tenant asks to no one in particular, taking a seat on the couch her opposition is hiding behind. It seems she just likes talking to herself.

_What a weirdo,_ Felicia thinks while trying to shush the cat. If she meows, it's over.

"Isis," Selina calls to her cat. "Isis, come here. Where are you, kittycat?"

She continues on babytalking her cat and Felicia is torn between snickering and maintaining her cover.  

Selina's going to get up and search at some point, though, so she needs to move. Isis seems to sense this and stares Felicia right in her eyes as she loudly meows.

Felicia looks up before ducking out the way. Luckily, Selina takes her time looking over, the Black Cat barely being able to avoid her eyesight.

"There you are, Isis," Selina says, smiling. "Come to mama."

As nice as listening to Selina's lonely cat lady talk is, Felicia is getting tired of it.  

She's scouted the apartment while Selina's been out (as she's sure her rival has done hers) and located the Jade Tiger. The next problem is getting across the living room and into the bedroom without being seen.

_C'mon, Fel, you'll need a little luck. Or, Selina'll need a little_ bad _luck._

Whatever the case is, Selina suddenly feels very hungry. She gets up to get something from the kitchen and Felicia sees her opportunity, sprinting across the room while remaining close to the ground.

Unfortunately, Isis also sees hers and crosses right in front of Felicia, dooming _her_ to bad luck.

Black Cat isn't superstitious, though, so she pays it no mind and reaches the bedroom in no time.  

It's nice, for the size, something after her own heart. The bed in particular is amazing. Felicia notes that you can't go wrong with memory foam.

When Felicia crosses in front of the bed, she becomes more acquainted with the memory foam, as the mattress launches over and falls on top of her.

_Shit!_

She hears Selina say, "What was that?" and begin to rush to her bedroom.

Well, Felicia can at least take comfort in the fact that she was completely undetected until this snafu. Selina must've upped her security since the last time she was here.

Felicia looks up at the window of the bedroom. It's high, but not so high she can't reach it. The problem, however, it's too small. Maybe her head could get out, but the girls can't make the trip. The only way out is past Selina.

In her own home.

Suddenly, the Grey Spy plan is looking less and less realistic.

Thinking on her toes, Felicia puts the mattress in front of the door. Selina'll have to knock it down to get inside and that's her opportunity, given a little bad luck. In the meantime, she looks for her prize.  

She manages to get the Tiger but it takes up too much time, Selina's already knocked down the mattress.

"You!" Selina snarls, reaching for some bolas on her dressertop.

Felicia charges her, rolling between her legs and pulling down her shorts to expose solid french cut purple panties. Selina covers herself by instinct, blushing slightly.

"Too easy, wannabe," Felicia teases as she heads out.

Not wanting to go down without a fight, Selina forgoes her shorts to throw the bolas. They wrap around the white-haired thief's legs, sending her flat on her face.

"You were saying?" Selina says, standing over her.

Trapped, Felicia considers surrendering. Instead, she uses her arm strength to propel herself up, launching her tied feet up at Selina's chin and knocking her down. She then uses her claws to slice the bolas into pieces.

Selina isn't done yet, though, and she tackles Felicia to the ground, causing her to drop the Tiger (in one piece, thankfully).

The two wrestle around for a brief moment, but Selina's on top so she gains the advantage, pressing Felicia's face down into the carpet.

"You're really bold, aren't you?" Selina asks, thinking of ways to dispose of the Cat. "Trying to rob me in my own home?"

"Don't count me out just yet," Felicia says through gritted teeth. "All it takes is a bit of bad luck. Something _you've_ got in abundance, sister."

Isis crosses in front of Felicia's face once more, giving her as much bad luck as Felicia's been given to Selina, negating that advantage. At this point, the friend to all cats could do without this particular menace.

"Well, Felicia, if you're gonna' make you move, I suggest," Selina pauses to bring her hand down on her rival's backside, "You hurry it up."

"Hey, okay, first -- ow! Second," she bucks Selina off of her, using the strength granted to her by her suit, "Don't rush me."

The two women stand toe to toe with the Jade Tiger in between them. Either one could get it, but if Felicia successfully robs Selina, that's a major notch in her belt. She'll be the best no matter what until Selina can rob _her_ better than she robbed her.

"Your move," Felicia taunts.

Selina decides to tackle her, but Felicia easily slips behind her and pulls her panties up to her mid-back.

"Did these come in the Hanes' Her Way pack?" Felicia says, pulling at the fabric. Selina grumbles as she tries to pull her underwear away but it's no use. Fel's too strong -- and her underwear is starting to hurt. This is that female Joker situation from three nights ago all over again.

Felicia raises her foot up and kick's Selina right in the butt, sending her onto the decorative table in the center of the room. She uses the opportunity to grab the Jade Tiger statue.

Stopping to pull out her wedgie with one hand, Selina throws another bola with the other. She knows that it'll be dodged, but it's only a distraction so she has a free path to the light switch. Whatever Felicia knows about the apartment, she can't know it better in the dark than Selina does.

Felicia recognizes that too late and memorizes the position of the window, deciding to bail.

However, the x-factor in this fight has been Isis, and she again comes through for her owner, tripping Felicia and sending her sliding on her face. Before she can get up, the cat sinks its claws into her behind, making her scream.

"Get off of me!" she yells, alerting Selina to her presence.  

Though it's dark, Selina manages to turn her decorative table over onto Felicia, dropping the whole weight of the porcelain onto the thief.

"Oof-- that hurt."

Selina turns the lights on and jumps onto Felicia, grabbing the previously dodged bola and tying her hands together. She has one more pair and uses it to tie her feet together.

"Guess I win," Selina teases. "Well, you can't stay here. I'll show you out."

Felicia struggles but it's no use. She dreads going down 5-6 to this witch and even more what's going to constitute that sixth victory.

<<>>

While Selina watches _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ for the thirtieth time, her rival is currently somewhere enjoying the city view.

"She better hope luck is on her side, hm, Isis?"

<<>>

Felicia didn't exactly expect to lose, so she didn't prepare to save some face if she did. That decision is slowly sinking into her as the wrong one. Partially because she's thinking about it and partially because she's experiencing the negative effects of gravity.

Selina's left her hands free, thankfully, but swinging in the breeze on a lamppost, held up by a pair of grey panties decorated with little flower prints is still zero fun. It's been digging into her for the past twenty minutes and her rival left her upright too.

She wiggles around still, but her bound legs don't make it any more easier to alleviate the pressure and Selina didn't free her hands until after she's sunk into her panties fairly deeply.  

The final piece of the humiliation puzzle is missing her costume, the neck of which is trapped underneath her panty waistband and flying in the wind, as her solid green bra doesn't match, in addition to not much being left to the imagination downstairs.

Felicia has no idea if or when someone will come and see her like this, that is, she's not hanging up here because it's fun, but because of how long it took for Selina to free her hands, her legs have become somewhat numb. It's a bit uncomfortable to move them.

She's regaining some feeling in her legs, though, she swings them up like her life depends on it and manages to slice through the rope that binds them. It deepens her wedgie by a considerable margin but she gets over it (the swinging that comes after, not so much).  

Her now free legs are still a little numb but she manages to use them (and her hands) to shimmy up the pole, ignoring how uncomfortable it is, and unhook her waistband. She nearly slides down empty handed but Felicia also grabs her costume. Ducking into an alley to change, she looks behind her because she feels a breeze.

The seat is missing, showing her saggy panties that she has to wedge up to prevent them from sliding down.

Felicia growls in anger, getting home thankfully unseen, "We'll see who's laughing _next time_ , bitch."  


End file.
